assion and attraction are two very important things in a relationship. Some people are naturally caring and touching to the point where the passion and attraction are there and they don’t have to work for it. Other people, probably like yourself, need to work on it. Some people, upon meeting someone new, try so hard to pass that point where they can go from a friend to a lover, that they can never seem to make it happen. Do you ever wonder why? It’s because the connection between both parties lacks the passion or sexual arousal to make you jump to that point.
Take animals for example. From what we have seen on animal shows, the zoo, or wild animals, they don’t court each other with conversation. They court each other by the sense of touch. By rubbing, touching, holding, and hugging, they create physical attraction, which we call foreplay. We humans are not that different from animals. After all, we are animals. Most of us get too caught up in conversation though, and we forget about the touch barrier. You need to break it as soon as possible.
Studies have shown that handholding and face touching express intimacy, which can lead to building rapport. Touch (also known as Kino, short for kinesthetic) is crucial for it can also build trust amongst two people. For example, handshaking expresses receptivity and trust. Touching increases desire between two people, especially when used with the combination of eye contact. It can increase someone’s romantic perspective of you. So any opportunity when you are walking through a crowd with a person you desire who is holding your hand and leading you, you should not let go until they initiate it because subconsciously it is making that person more comfortable with you.
When meeting someone new or trying to create a spark you never had with someone you already know, the main thing to be concerned with is touching while not making them feel uncomfortable. When greeting someone, give him or her a hug. When at dinner, be sure to sit beside them and have your bodies touch with your legs, foot, or even shoulders. When someone says something funny, give him or her a high five or pat on the back. If it is someone of the opposite sex, give them a gentle high five and hold it there then let your fingers slide off each other slowly. When you are speaking to someone and trying to grab their attention, try to touch their hand to initiate contact between them. If you are guiding someone, put your hand on his or her lower back and guide him or her through the crowd with you. If you’re trying to cause a spark between someone you already know, it may be a little easier than you think. Mostly because it won’t be nearly as awkward as if you just met someone and you keep touching them. With someone you know, you have the ability to touch him or her without the other person making a big deal out of it because that person has known you for a while. Find any opportunity to touch them from a hug, to a handhold to move them to another direction or introduce them to someone, to even a laugh and slight touch behind the elbows. My favorite spot is behind the elbow- right above where the elbow and triceps meet – it’s crucial. It is a somewhat sensitive spot, and it doesn’t imply anything sexual, It actually doesn’t imply anything at all, but it is doing something very important: breaking the touch barrier.
The power of touch is underestimated for it can be very influential. For example when dealing with a family member or lover if you are asking them to do something for you, maybe make you a sandwich or take out the trash, if you ask them in a soft voice and break the touch barrier, like a soft touch to the upper arm, they are more likely to respond in your favor. Even when asking them a question where they would usually respond “I don’t care whatever you want” like asking them where they want to eat. If you do it by breaking the touch barrier they are more likely to give you an answer to your question.
Touching can lead to many things from attraction to persuasion. Studies have shown that touching has led to bigger tips. Store greeters who touch customers who walk into the store actually influences the customers into staying longer, and even people responding to a request of yours will respond positively. Touching can be very influential to someone but you’re not always in a position where you can break the touch barrier. When you are dealing with someone in a position of power like a boss or an officer of the law it’s not always that easy to break the touch barrier but if you can you are increasing your chances of getting that day off or getting off that ticket for speeding!
The following is a 4-step process on touching:
1. Start with social touching- [1]intro and outro are most important so make sure to capitalize on it because you only have that opportunity once every visit. A slight touch to the hand when speaking about something that involves emotion, like a sad story or a happy moment, will go a long way. Also, you can give a touch on the shoulder to grab their attention or to introduce them to someone else.
- Go on to friendly touching- now that you have passed being acquaintances and you are friends, you two are more comfortable, and you can get away with a lot more. Including having your arm around them if they are sitting next to you (just above their shoulders on their chair.) You can give them a hug or play footsy under the table. Also don’t forget touching shoulders when sitting next to them!
- Bring in Intimate touch- now that you are passed the friendly stage, you can bring in the intimate touch! Hold hugs for longer, brush their hair out of their face or behind their ear and move in to tell them a secret in a low voice up close. You can throw your arm around them, and without worry they will be cool with it. Just make sure you don’t put your dead weight on thembecause it can get annoying!
- Find a place for sexual touch- well to point out the obvious, you must not do this in a public place, at least not the first time. This step requires time and privacy. When the time is right, though, the possibilities are endless. Make the kiss more passionate; use more tongue, but not too much. When holding them, touch closer to the sensitive places that you wouldn’t be able to touch in public from the top of the back to the rear down to the thigh. When you do this right, take it from there to foreplay, which will then lead to sex.
Touching, if introduced properly and repetitively, will then become something natural, which will lead to more passion and cooperation between both of you. You will leave the person more satisfied and agreeable. Sex will get better! Touching and cuddling has been proved to release oxytocin. Also a little touch here and there may get your friend or partner to accept your request! So don’t you ever forget to touch them and then ask your favor.
There are people you love touching you, and there are people you can’t stand. The example I am going to give is when I’m with my guy friends. Most recently, it was at a music festival. When the song drops at the good part of the song, they put their arm around my shoulder. I am completely cool with that, but after the song is over they keep their arm around me. I know it’s only good intentions, but I’ve had this conversation with multiple people a million times and some people just don’t like it. I don’t make it a big deal because they are truly doing it because they like me, but sometimes, especially for the guys larger in size, an arm around the shoulder can be a little overwhelming. I can’t speak on behalf of women, but a girl friend of mines exact words were “don’t be so overbearing.” Make your presence short, quick, and enjoyable.
My personal experience with women is that, since I am stronger than most of them, I have the ability to grab them by the waist and pick them up in the air. I then put them back on the floor, and afterwards they usually enjoy it so they turn around and stay or start conversation with me. Be quick with your touches; it’s better to touch someone every 5 minutes for 30 seconds than every 15 minutes for 2 minutes. Short and sweet! It leaves them wanting more. If you ever doubt yourself in this case, less is more. If they want you to touch them, believe me, they will break the touch barrier, which opens up the gates to be all touchy-touchy.
The sense of touch is a very powerful tool. Your rapport grows with how much you touch each other. As conversation moves along and you two are more comfortable with each other, things you say can cause an appropriate touch like a playful shove or a playful slap on the hand. Notice that the more comfortable you are with someone and they are with you the more touching there is between you. For example, when you are on a date and it’s going along great, you and your date may be touching feet under the table or holding hands on top of the table.
People who don’t know me may think I am a very touchy person, but in reality I am just trying to make them comfortable with me. Sometimes when talking to someone next to me, if they say something comical, I will laugh and put my arm around their shoulders for a second. I give them a nice little tug in, look at them, smile,and thenIlet go. Small things like that subconsciously tell the person that you are comfortable with them and may cause them to be comfortable with you. Remember, as strong and helpful as the sense of touch may be, it can also be very dangerous. As much as it can make a person feel very comfortable with you, it can also make them be very annoyed with you. Remember to use the sense of touch in small doses because it can either make or break your relationship.
[1] When you meet someone and get introduced you have the opportunity to touch him or her by saying hello. Also when you are saying goodbye you have the opportunity to touch them during your farewell.
